a song with lyrics that’ll make you go ‘HUH?’ September 20, 2007

 before the higher authorities put a cap on my computer usage for the days to come, let me waste your time once more with this entry.

this is a hip hop song from a few years ago. i listened to it again yesterday and i realised that the lyrics were completely RUBBISH. it is so stupid, it’s funny. to get the lyrics better, do listen to the song. it is actaully quite nice. but seriously.. i think Snoop Dogg was having diarrhoea when he coughed up this insane song.

see the highlighted parts.

Snoop Dogg feat. Pharrell and Jay-Z  <Drop It Like It’s Hot>  

chorus:

Spin Around Ma
Drop, Drop, Like It’s Hot
Drop, Drop, Like It’s Hot
Spendin Money Mang
Drop, Drop, Like It’s Hot
Drop, Drop, Like It’s Hot
Spin Around Mommy
Drop, Drop, Like It’s Hot
Drop, Drop, Like It’s Hot
I Got The Rollie On My Arm
And I’m Pourin Saun Dan
And I Roll The Best Weed
’cause I Got It Goin On

[verse: 1 - Pharrell]
No Steroids Can Make You Hit What I’m Pitching
Chef Boy-ar-p Is Back In The Kitchen
You Niggas Is Scratchin, My Niggas Is Itchen
Don’t Keep “pacin” But These Dudes Blow They “pistons”
Yes, Nigga, P Stands For Polish
None Of Y’all Is Fuckin With He, And This Is Obvious
I’m Ron Artest, Layin Down To Your Garbage
While My Niggas In The Street Pushin Shit Like Ben Wallace
And Any Ya’ll Could Get It, Even Fans In The Stands
These Guns Is A Sun, You’ll Catch A Tan With Ya Man
I’m No Cheeto, Trust This Is Real/rio
Everything Is Grande Nothing Is Poquito
Securitys Behind Me, With The Torpedo
’cause The Wrist Stay Frigid
How You Say It? Frio
Or Where I’m From, In Virgina, We Say Ch-ill
And The Ends Also Quarter Million For Each Whe-el

[verse 2 - Jay-z]
I Got Hatas On My J-iz-ock, Plus The Frickin C-iz-ops
All Of Whom Want To Hit Me With Sh-iz-ots Til I Dr-iz-op
Thank God For Hip Hop, Or I Be In The B-iz-ox, Uh
Jail Or Casket, Either Way You R-iz-ot
But Now I’m So Fresh You Could Smell Me Through A Ziplock
Mr. S D-iz-ot, It’s Not Gon’ St-iz-op
Too Much Pizzas For These Piss-ass Niggas To Get Past
Too Cool For C-iz-ops To Cuff His Iz-ass
Snitch-ass They Made, They Can’t Get The Boy
These Niggas Givin’ Out Cases Like A Liquore Store
Runnin’ To The Da Tryin’ To Get Me For It
All The Money It Made, I’m Like Forget The Law
I’m Not ‘fr-iz-aid, It J-iz-ay Homie You Got Pl-iz-ayed
Take It Like A Man, The Flow Ran You Off The St-iz-age (go Sit Down)
Wastin’ Ya Time Tryin’ To Sue S. Tell Ya Lawyer
“take That Civil Case And Drop It Like It’s Hot”

[verse 3 - Snoop Dogg]
International, Nah I’m Universal
But You A Gangsta, How You Get To Do Commertials?
With Them Big Wheels, Yeah Cuz You Do It Big
I Stay Real, Stay Sharp, And Tell It Like It Is
I Never Fake The Funk, Niggas Know I Ain’t No Punk
They Want Beef? Yeah Cuz, Pop The Trunk
We Go All The Way, We Do It Lifesize
Now My Life Right, ’cause My Wife On My Right Side
Yeah, And She Protecting My Interest
Now I’m On The Move They Got Me Hoppin’ These Fences
Ay Little Homie Your Defence Is Defencless
A Pimp Apprentice
Now Come Here Princess (come Here, Come Here)
I Know Ya Tired Of The Chit-chatter
It Really Don’t Matta It’s Like A Seesaw Platter
I Check Money, Check Niggas, Check Bitches
Now Drop It Like You Ass On Swit-ches (ziip)

EOY = DIE September 19, 2007

Frankly speaking, I don’t usually freak out when exams approach. It’s no secret that I, like any other student with a brain, will mug one week before exams start. That translates to this Friday, which is impossible (Sundays are completely burnt out, too). Yet, I still keep my cool. That is, until i sat down a few minutes ago and took a good look at my exam timetable. (i did not really read it when I got it last week).

I looked. Then i stared. Then i stared in disbelief. I said : !#@$%#$%#%^$$^$%$%$$&**UGUV&^*^*&%$$##!@$&(()_+))*(&*^&%$^**))_{}{:”<><>

(translation: what the fuck.)

To make things worse, i just got my art exam paper questions. I’m supposed to come up with a portrait based on any one of the below topics, complete with supporting studies consisting of NOT MORE THAN FIVE A3 SHEETS OF PAPER (how can i even manage one???)

1.    FLIGHT.

2.    CLOSE-UP

3.    CORNERED

4.    CHILDHOOD

5.    INSTRUMENTS

Kind souls out there, please give me some ideas. I’ll pay you back someday.

To all cchy people reading this, good luck for the EOYs.

This is an advance blessing. Let’s all party until we die from fun, food and laughter after the stupid thing! Until then, i pray for our sanity to be intact. And don’t be too stressed out. How do i let out all the stress when exams hit?

The answer is obvious. BLAST GREEN DAY!

of course. one more thing. who cares about weight during exams? pile on the chocolates, chips and whatever to keep you going. try coffee-it’s a compulsory drink for me.

cheers!

Project KILL EMO. September 15, 2007

Coming soon. A list of insults that everyone can use. Specially compiled by me.

Now. Let me talk about EMOS.What is an emo?

Strictly speaking, an emo is a MORON.

All they do is MOAN ABOUT DEATH. To be honest, i hate them. All.

They are freaking fakers who claim, they love My Chemical Romance and Hawthorn Heights and all those shitty bands who just bitch about death. Since you emos like dying so much, why don’t you all just f$$king die?? This is a warning to all of you out there, stop having weird useless thoughts about death and dying. Anyone can die anytime. Even YOU, yes you, can die right now while reading this entry in front of your miserable monitor.

So why waste your time thinking about dying? Death will come when it wants to. Meanwhile, live life to the max and just f$$king have fun.

Say no to EMOs.

If you really want to be one, read the following list and follow the steps closely before GETTING AWAY FROM ME.

How to be an emo:

1.     Wear black. It’s a sin to wear anything that has the slightest trace of colour. Black clothes, shoes, panties, mouth. Colour your face black if possible. True black-ness is achieved when you greet your mother in your black get-up and she dies of a heart attack.

2.     Get your little sister to put eyeliner for you. This way, you can be sure that your eyes are so eyelined, they look as if they’ve been punched.

3.     Listen to supposedly ‘emo bands’ like MCR, death cap for cutie, panic at the disco, avenged sevenfold, etc etc. Summary: the churn out tuneless songs with lyrics so depressing i think a dead person wrote them. All these bands are new bands. Listen to them until all you think about is death and ways of dying.

4.     Important: make sure you get your hair right. Get it rebonded, and then let it grow into a ghastly mass.

      For examples, look at paul twohill or alternatively, go to Peninsula Plaza. It is essential that your hair covers 95% of your face and only one eye peeks through. God knows how you breathe and even see, or pass interviews. I bet if i put a cockroach in your soup, you’d think its salted beans.

5.     Keep a razor blade with you at all times. No, its not for self-defence. It’s for you to slice yourself like how chefs make slits in fish to let the juices seep through while roasting. For the hard-core emos, slice as deep as possible in visible places (don’t slice your thighs! Who’ll see?) make sure you slice your wrist. That is the compulsory slice-area. Make sure everyone can see it. It’s cool to have large ugly scars everywhere. For the scaredy-cat, beginner emos, just make some cuts on your wrists and ankles to show off. Cut it weekly or else the marks will go off. Punks have tattoos… and emos have razorblade scars!

6.     Make sure you look like your mother just died. Keep an angry, sulky face with a frown that is permanent 99% of the time. When people laugh, you scowl. When people cry, you scowl. YOU CANNOT CRY. If you cannot manage that, get botox to stiffen your face. a cheaper method would be to stick a needle in your ass. This way, you’ll ALWAYS look like someone died.

7.     Be anorexic/bulimic. Please, a fat emo doesn’t look convincing and you’ll probably get laughed at.

8.     Visit  http://www.fourfa.com/  for further details.

9.     Keep your vocabulary limited. No happy words permitted. Learn everything you can about death. Greet your friend like this “jenny. Today is September the 14^th. Death is surrounding me. Why are you happy. Close your eyes and you can hear the end coming, creeping closer, like a black serpent. Death is so beautiful. Death is….”

10.  Speak in monotones. For every five questions people ask you, grunt at four of them and reply only one. When you reply, do not alter your pitch and keep your voice as low as possible to a man’s. And make sure you use the word death, or any acceptable substitute.

This is not meant to be a complete list. There are countless more things you have to do, accessories you have to wear, food you have to eat, friends you have to choose, places you have to hang out at, phrases you have to learn,…

So there you go. Fuck all emos. Fuck them all. I hope they die once and for all. And if you want to be one, please don’t tell me.

lamentations. September 11, 2007

what the hell

what the bloody hell

am i attempting to achieve?

it’s my funeral- time to grieve

my existence: a salty shell of lies

choke! erase! drown out my cries!

the phone line is cut. dead. cold.

how will i ever call home.

oh what the hell

how the hell

how the shitting hell

did you ever step into my world?

you are a like a tampon. full of cotton

you are male but you’re named Girl

your virginity is fetid! rotten!

bile is your blood

you dropped dead in the mud.

oh what the hell

when the hell

when the fucking hell

was the last time i had hope?

did i smoke too much dope?

were all the good times real?

have i forgotten how to feel?

when we last met, when you last smiled

why couldn’t stay for a while?

oh what the hell

who the hell

who the bloody hell

gave me this curse?

why did i write this verse

when it’s still no use.

humans just use and abuse.

now i am naked, stripped

my ego brutally whipped

oh what the hell

where in hell

where in goddamn hell

has everyone gone to?

they left me alone, drunk, dejected

it’s their love that i rejected

alone in my cell

where there’s only hell

with books and wine

my only valentines

oh what the hell

what the hell

what the stupid hell

is hell anyway

‘ a place to burn’, some say 

is it among those stars?

jupiter and mars?

maybe heaven and hell are the same

got mixed up with money and fame

oh what the hell

obscure facts about billie joe armstrong. September 7, 2007

but first. let me bitch a little.

the holidays are almost over. that means, dear dudes and dudettes who read this, my blogging frequency will come to a scary standstill. i’ll still update this site, not to worry, but maybe just twice a week, or even once.

oh my GAWD OHMYGAWD OHMYGAWD. i’ll have to wear specs full-time soon. my vision is going down the drain. can someone please sponsor LASIK surgery for me? i swear i’ll kiss you and love you to death.

as i write i’m suffering from sore throat. AGAIN! maybe i should buy some weird voice-substitute machine, the one Stephen Hawking uses. press ‘CAT’ and a sultry woman will utter ‘ca-a-TT’. press ‘jenny ganeshrays” and i’d love to see how the ang moh bitch struggles with my exotic surname. or even worse, local slang like chibai, lol, kaninah,  or siao lah.

Never mind. my mind just wandered. but still.

ok. i can’t get enough of this site: http://greendayauthority.comit’s this lovely site that caters specially to all GD freaks who go online solely to find information about these three crazy guys above. i’ve gathered some funny facts i BET you didn’t know about billie joe. enjoy!

• Billie Joe used to have a nose ring, but he took it out because it got caught on his shirt.
• Billie wears Jockey underwear.
• Billie Joe’s cat, Zero, died in his washing machine. 
   
• Billie Joe has been rumored to have been romantically linked to Winona Ryder.                                                                  
• Billie Joe’s nickname in high school was “Two Dollar Bill” because he sold  marijuana joints for two dollars.
• Billie Joe’s mother spelled his name wrong on his birth certificate. Not because she was high with illegal drugs, she was loopy because of the massive amounts of painkillers in her body to ease childbirth.
• In the second grade two girls beat up Billie Joe so that he would date them.  
• Billie Joe’s birthday is on the same day as National Cabbage Day. 
• Billie likes playing the drums most out of the piano, harmonica, and the mandolin. recently, he picked up the saxophone and is really good at it. did i mention he is playing in another band, the Pinhead Gunpowder too?
• MY FAVOURITE FACT. It’s an old tradition of Billie’s that at every one of his concerts he kisses a guy and flashes his dick. OOH LAH LAH. 
• In early 2001 Billie Joe was mugged at gunpoint and is now terrified of guns.
• Billie Joe got body lice while on tour in Germany in Green Day’s early days. 

and lastly. too see a mug shot of billie joe (he has  CURLY HAIR, OKAY!) go to www.thesmokinggun.com/mugshots/billiejoemug1.html

altogether now, sing: GREEN DAY ROCKS.. GREEN DAY ROCKS..

daddy. September 5, 2007

mother and I are covered in dust

but still we wait, wishing, praying.

the glasses she wears are red with rust

but still we stand, waiting, hoping.

there was once when i was a child of seven,

and when my mother’s glasses were new.

that was when my father, as good as heaven,

kissed us until we were blue.

“now, don’t you go until i come,” he said.

“and make sure you don’t play with knives!”

he took his bags, kissed mum on the head,

and just drove away from our lives.

after you left, dad, no fancy song

could immortalise the words ‘I Miss You’.

oh, the years are many, the years are long.

but your little girl remains forever true.

ay, faithful to you we stand,

each in our same old place.

Awaiting the touch of that hairy hand,

the smile of that large-boned face.

and we wonder, as we wait these long years through

in the dust of our shattered household,

what was and has become of you

since you kissed us and left us in the cold.

hurry up green day! September 3, 2007

come on… release your album.. its been three years already.

the white stripes: not bad, not bad. waiting for the cd to hit HMV.

green day, can you f&^%$#$#$%ing release your album. i’ve heard ‘working class hero’ and i’m darn pissed. i mean, its good to publicise Africa’s crises and stuff, and blah blah blah. but think about us fans. working class hero is so goddamn shitty. check out the video at www.youtube.com i nearly grew moss while watching it.

maybe green day will release their new album whilr my funeral is conducted 5500 years from now.

p.s heard it will be called ‘cigarettes and valentines”

this is an urgent call to billie joe armstrong ( i know you secretly read my blog while your wife is asleep. thank you honey). please release THE FUCKING ALBUM. i still love you guys anyway.

green day FOREVER.

my ghosts are back to haunt me. September 3, 2007

1. hello darkness my old friend,

i’ve come to talk with you again.

this entry was written in the wake of a highly depressing incident that occured in my household.

pardon me for my fleeting thoughts…

my ghosts are back. i don’t know how they found me, but they did all right. they’ve sucked me back into my old bad habits and i’m getting scared cos’ this means i’ll go back into my deep. dark stage where i attract dark emotive thoughts like how ants gravitate to sugar.

+i think i’m becoming bulimic again. i had an episode last year where on a whim (or perhaps, an overload of tabloid-feeding), i decided  to become Lindsay Lohan. no, i did not snort cocaine. rather, i decided to go on a crash diet. hey, don’t blame me. my mother, cousins and some close friends were starving themselves silly. but i guess the person that influenced me the most was my mother. at first, she tipped the scales at a whopping 65 kg. then through her iron-willed determination(the same determination that made her raise me and my sis without my dad),she starved herself. she lived on a diet of two slices of bread and coffee (breakfast), three apples and cranberry juice (lunch), and roast fish/chicken with wholegrain Soba noodles and fruits (dinner). and i tell you, she dropped the flab to just 45kg. thats for a 161cm woman. needless to say, i caught the bug.

i was considered plump for my height. so i decided to diet. i ate breakfast (bread and milo), skipped lunch, and secretly threw my rice away for dinner. that lasted for three days. then came the weekend. i still remember how that sunday, a sudden and fearful pang of hunger seized me while i was at a buffet dinner. i just lost it. all thoughts of dieting vanished as i literally dived into the platter of assorted delicacies. my aunt watched in amusement as i went for four refills. after the bingeing, i felt petrified. i was too full to even move. that night, i suffered sever indigestion and cried throught the night. ‘what the hell is wrong with me? i’m so fat!’ i wondered. at that time, i was 154 cm tall and weighed 48.2kg.

the vicious cycle kicked in as i became mildly bulimic at first, and then i became a full-fledged mental case. my typical pattern went like this: i’d starve for a week. then the weekends kicked in and i’d buy Ruffles and Large Pizzas and finish the load in 15 minutes. once. i starved the entire day in school, surving on cut honeydew. then when my cca finished at 6, i trudged home. suddenly, a hunger pang seized me and i bought a large bag of Ruffles Sour Cream N Onion. upon reaching home, i stuffed the entire bag down my throat. when i finished, i realised i was crying.

my mum and i had frequent arguments about my bulimia. but i always won in the end. all i had to do was to point a finger at her and say: you’re dieting too! so she couldn’t stop me. three months into my bulimic diet, laxatives came into the picture. unlike Lindsay Lohan, who induced vomiting, i chose laxatives. weekly, i’d swallow two to three oral laxatives. when all the shit came flushing out, my guilt about bingeing would be assuaged. i wouldn’t feel guilty about eating excessively. i’d think: great, i’m losing weight. and so the cycle went. starve. binge. purge.

then the year ended. eight months later, there were results: i dropped four kilos. everyone was curious. a male friend commented that i ‘looked good’. my mum was  happy that her daughter was now having lean BMI. christmas was fantastic as i threw out my old clothes, wore size S shirts and celebrated the fact that now i ‘looked good’. i stopped my bulimia and swore that i would maintain that weight  forever.

• ONE YEAR ON.

• from size S now i can wear size XS. yeah! my mum is struggling to PUT ON WEIGHT. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!

• i’m slowly becoming bulimic again as thoughts of starving and eating more greens flood my mind.

• i skipped dinner last night. but then again, i ate six chicken wings, four fishballs, four nuggets, one plate mee siam for lunch.

 

so there you have it. my old ghosts are back to haunt me. i’m becoming more broody. i’m thinkin about divorces, weight disorders, death and drugs. oh yes, drugs. one day i shall tell you about my lifelong obsession with drugs. i’ve not touched them, but i’ve had near encounters. and recently, my obsession with them has caught fire again.

what the hell.