hangover.

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 ok. so i have this big bloody hangover from many things. hangover from last night, hangover from this week’s exams, hangover from life, really. a thousand apologies for not updating, but here i am, and thank you for keep coming back. i love you, whoever the hell you are, anyway.

 just stumbled home this morning from a party last night. i can’t believe it myself, but i actually went partying on a friday night. all my dreams are coming true! but anyway, the unbelievable thing is that my mother CONSENTED. when i got back this morning from my friend’s house (coz it was too late and i was scared to go home), she didn’t interrogate me with her usual “So you went out with your boyfriend, right? right? RIGHT?” or “see? behaving like a common cheapskate”. she didn’t rush me to the doctor to see if my virginty was intact. she merely didn’t speak at all.

but i don’t mind. because this time round i didn’t have to sneak out, and she didn’t lock the door and wait up for me. we had a COMPROMISE. she saw me studying my ass off for the end-of-years. then there was this large noisy trash party that was going to happen at a friend’s place, while his parents were overseas. okay, i admitted that i told my mom it was a girl’s house, and that i had a friend call my mom up and reassure her. but this time round she AGREED.

she told me, “ok. i know you’re studying hard. i’ll let you go this time. but promise me you won’t do anything stupid or take anything illegal.” i couldn’t believe my ears. i was planning to sneak out if she didn’t let me, but now she was actually allowing me off. she said something that moved me. she said “jenny. i trust you. you’re fifteen. sometimes i think i’m a total failure as a parent..but you are the last light in my life. i love you. please don’t do anything stupid. i’m letting you go.”

i dressed up and left the house at eight p.m.

i came home and slept till 3. then i woke up and realised that my mother and i are growing apart.

but this is life. you give and you take. and then, at the end of your life, you realise that’s why everyone smiles at you and why you smile at them. they use you, and you use them.

like how i use my mother. and my mother uses me. can i make this using-and-abusing process meaningful? then that boils down how you live your life.

i have a bloody hangover. my head hurts, my throat is sore, and my eyes are puffy like a fish’s. i don’t think i wanna disclose much about the party, cos if i do, i have a nasty feeling some of my friends will get disgusted wiht me. so i shall just say that I HAD FUN!

happy hari raya aidilfitri, by the way. and on this holiday, you may just have a hangover with life.

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