Sometimes I Do Stuff. October 29, 2009
Posted by jennyspeaks in about jenny, bullshit, confusion, cultural, death, depression, epiphany, journal, life, little things, random, sadness, school, silliness, teenage issues, unpopular truth, whatever., wordlessness.Tags: life, little things, sadness, school, self-esteem
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In my 17685th essay here, I am going to talk about my deteriorating self-esteem. Brace yourselves.
Well I don’t exactly know how to beat around the bush for this one, so I’m going to spit out the sorry truth. And the sorry truth is that I feel so worthless sometimes. Not that I’m blaming God or anyone for that. Nor do I expect any heavenly assistance for this because this is my own stupid problem. But that’s the sorry truth right there.
And the sorry truth gets sorrier: I especially have a problem with good-looking or “cool” people.
You see, whenever I speak to good-looking people or “cool” people, I automatically feel that I don’t deserve to speak to them. I feel unworthy to occupy their time. Why should they waste their time talking to losers like me? What ensues physically is that I start to clam up and babble lame things like “The weather’s so shitty”. And that probably seals the deal for them because they clam up too and give me weird looks. They’re probably thinking, “No, you’re shitty. And boring. This is the end of our conversation.”
Which really doesn’t help my self-esteem at all.
And it hurts when people stereotype you and assume that there’s nothing more to you. That you’re just a nerdy-pants who looks nerdy and lives nerdily ever after. Which may be true to a certain extent. But every nerdy-pants, though he/she may be as flat and boring as a coin, does have two sides, no?
Take for example the schoolmate who only bothers to talk to you to:
- Find out about your grades
- Ask if you study every day (which, for clarification, is a NO)
- Find out about the day’s homework
- Copy your homework
and thereafter assume that you do not exist.
I’m starting to think that all this has a link with my slouch, which has more or less reduced my backbone shape to that of a prawn’s. I’m not a Hunchback of Notre Dame yet though. Might reach that level in a few year’s time.
To conclude this depressing essay, I’d just like to say that it’s only human nature to judge and stereotype. For example I’m judging those “cool” people myself and assuming that they’re dismissing me. And similarly others judge me and assume that my main goal in life is to finish my homework. So this is how karma works then. I’ll just swallow my pride, lower my head and walk along. And maybe secretly swallow some potato chips as well.
You’re needed, so stick around. August 22, 2009
Posted by jennyspeaks in confusion, cultural, depression, epiphany, god, happiness, journal, life, random, sadness, school, unpopular truth, whatever., wordlessness.Tags: Best Friend, Blessings, Friendship, life, Loneliness, mother, relationships, Reliability, Thankful
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Ever had the feeling that you were just horribly inadequate? That you were neglecting everything and everyone around you?
I did.
I felt like a lousy friend. When I met up with my best friend yesterday after aeons, I realised how much I underestimated the significance of our friendship. I thought that I would be able to get along just fine with my life even though we met up erratically.
But after all the disappointments I’ve faced so far, after putting my faith in people that didn’t put their faith in me, it was such a blessing to see my old girlfriend waiting for me at the bus interchange. As reliable as clockwork. As sincere and real as she always was. It was just like the old times as we shared the grievances we both faced in our new lives. Spending the day with her totally made my day. It also reminded me that when the world ditches you, someone would be there you lift you out of the gutters.
I felt like a lousy daughter too. I was spending less and less time with my mother. And I knew that I was all that she had left. It sort of pained me to see her waiting up for me all alone when I came home late. The moment I stepped into the door till the instant when my head hit the pillow, my mum would bombard me from all sides, asking me about my day, offering me a supermarket full of food to eat, relating the full news bulletin to me, etc. All her small talk just screamed of loneliness.
But after all the empty chairs and distant faces, the fake smiles and manipulation, the using and the discarding, it was such a blessing to return to my pigsty of a home, and see a familiar face waiting for me. Someone who was joined at the hip with me, whether the both of us liked it or not. In a way we were both in the same boat, me with my busy life and she with her quiet life. We both felt alone and clung to each other for reassurance.
What’s the present without the past? As I soon found out, I truly needed these two characters back in my present, and hopefully they’ll stick around for my future too. I’m sorry to have left them out of the script so far. Maybe that’s what was missing from it.
Welcome to Jennyspeaks, the World’s Most Superficial Blog August 18, 2009
Posted by jennyspeaks in bullshit, celebrities, confusion, cultural, drugs, epiphany, humor, journal, life, little things, music, random, school, silliness, unusual, whatever., wordlessness, writing.Tags: life, humour, writing, kurt cobain, John Frusciante, blogging, insults, Billie Joe Armstrong, Winona Ryder, Dumb Quotes, Wise Quotes, Women Shitting Toilet, Toilet Bowl, Heroin Toilet Seat, Fat People, Carmen's Muesli Bars, Muesli
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All this while I believed that Jennyspeaks was a blog that was a little different from the others.
After all, the lack of visuals and the abundance of punishing sentences (such as this one) surely made this bit of cyberspace slightly deeper than the waters of a toilet bowl.
However, a chance peek at the Search Engine Terms at my Blog Stats page shattered my belief.
Apparently, this blog is a fan site for Billie Joe Armstrong, Kurt Cobain and John Frusciante. It is also a comprehensive site for dumb quotes, wise quotes (haha the irony), insults for fat people, hate insults and sayings that make people feel stupid.
And also it tells you about Women Shitting Toilet and Heroin Toilet Seat (yup, this one caught me off-guard).
So this is what two years of long, verbose posts have resulted in: a blog that is a lot more shallow than toilet bowl waters.
And you know what? I really don’t mind. 
These are terms people used to find your blog.
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| sayings that make people feel stupid |
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| john frusciante short hair |
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| women shitting toilet |
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| billie joe armstrong held at gunpoint |
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| kurt cobain art |
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Yesterday
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Funny Insults Part 2: Cultural August 5, 2009
Posted by jennyspeaks in bullshit, celebrities, cultural, epiphany, happiness, humor, life, random, school, this rocks! that sucks!, unpopular truth, unusual, wordlessness.Tags: cultural, funny, humour, insults, Jay Leno, jokes, New York, russia, Scottish, USA
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Part 2 of the Funny Insults series is provided to you, free of charge, by Jennyspeaks. Comes packaged with a pinch of salt.
Question: Who invented the copper wire?
Answer: Two Scotsmen fighting over a penny. – English Joke
Question: How do you disperse an angry Scottish mob?
Answer: Pass around a collection box. – English Joke
German is a language developed solely to afford the speaker an opportunity to spit at strangers under the guise of polite conversation. – National Lampoon
The larger the German body, the smaller the German bathing suit, and the louder the German voice issuing German demands and German orders… to everybody who doesn’t speak German. For this and several other reasons, Germany is known as “the land where Israelites learned their manners”. – P.J Rourke, “Holidays in Hell”
An Israeli man’s life was saved when he was given a Palestinian man’s heart in a heart transplant operation. The man is doing fine, but the bad news is he can’t stop throwing rocks at himself. – Jay Leno
On a clear day you can’t see Luxembourg at all. This is because a tree is in the way. – Alan Coren
What are the first three words in a Mexican cookbook? — “Steal a chicken.”
In Russia, we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One. – Yakov Smirnoff
In the US you have freedom of speech. You can go up to Ronald Reagan and say, “I don’t like Ronald Reagan.” In the Soviet Union, you have the same freedom. You can also go up to Chernenko and say: “I don’t like Ronald Reagan.” – Yakov Smirnoff
America is the only country in the world where a housewife hires a cleaning woman, so she can do volunteer work at the day care centre where the cleaning woman leaves her child. – Milton Berle
The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day, the Statue of Liberty had both its hands up. – Jay Leno
When Youtube, Twitter and Facebook Merge… June 5, 2009
Posted by jennyspeaks in bullshit, epiphany, happiness, humor, life, little things, random, school, silliness, teenage issues, this rocks! that sucks!, whatever., wordlessness.Tags: facebook, humour, internet, quote, school, surfing, time-wasting, twitter, youtube
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One of the disadvantages of being a student with your own laptop, in a completely wireless campus is that you tend to get distracted.
Often, I spend whole lectures doing inaccurate quizzes on Facebook, checking my friend’s profiles and basically being a poking my sorry nose into other people’s lives. Virtual lives, that is.
Project meetings aimed to finish up presentations, soon evolve into silent surfing-the-net sessions, as one by one we drift away from Microsoft Powerpoint to Youtube.com.
As you can guess by now, Youtube, Twitter and Facebook are notorious time-wasting sites for me.
However, one quote that I saw on Facebook, off a friend’s status update, totally made my shithole of a day slightly better.
“One day, Youtube, Twitter and Facebook will merge to form a super time-wasting site called: “You TwitFace!”
Hell yeah. I’ll be the first to sign up. Some Harvard geek invent it, please!
Writer’s block blues: To blog or not to blog? May 28, 2009
Posted by jennyspeaks in bullshit, confusion, depression, journal, life, little things, random, sadness, school, sickness, wordlessness, writing.Tags: blogging, inertia, Jessica Simpson, life, sadness, wordlessness, writer's block, writing
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My posts here are getting erratic and my last post was so measly. It’s not that I’ve got nothing to bitch about. Rather it’s been the opposite—so many things have been happening around me that I’m losing focus.
Thoughts, which were previously as clear as crystal to me, have become hazy ghosts that flit around briefly in my head before dissolving into my medulla. I know I’ve got something—or actually many things—to write about. But when I stare at the blank “New Post” screen it stares right back and the blinking cursor taunts me and I ask myself why I am even at WordPress in the first place.
So the question is: To blog or not to blog? Should I consciously sit down and force myself to come up with something? Or should I just treat my blog as somewhere I go to only when I feel like it?
Of course most people would argue that blogs are for penning your personal original material. So why bother forcing yourself? For a while, I did just that and I didn’t post for a few months. I felt as inarticulate as Jessica Simpson, for whenever I wanted to post, a few naïve and ugly sentences would come out.
But then a gnawing sense of heaviness grew within me and before I knew it, I kept going back to my blog and staring at it. Clicking through the stagnant pages, I felt that some part of me was withering.
Furthermore, people were leaving me messages asking me to update my blog. Friends wondered if I was having some sort of emotional withdrawal. I missed sharing my verbose essays, no matter how wordy/eccentric they were, with people who actually gave a damn and read my crap. And while people gave a damn and kept coming back, I didn’t give a damn and I left a gaping silence.
And so I think I do have a responsibility to update, and in a sense compel myself to write. I want to go back to the old days when I could bitch on and on about anything at all. I never want to be handicapped inarticulate again. So here I am, trying to fill the silence.
