Sometimes I Do Stuff. Thursday, Oct 29 2009

In my 17685^th essay here, I am going to talk about my deteriorating self-esteem. Brace yourselves.

Well I don’t exactly know how to beat around the bush for this one, so I’m going to spit out the sorry truth. And the sorry truth is that I feel so worthless sometimes. Not that I’m blaming God or anyone for that. Nor do I expect any heavenly assistance for this because this is my own stupid problem. But that’s the sorry truth right there.

And the sorry truth gets sorrier: I especially have a problem with good-looking or “cool” people.

You see, whenever I speak to good-looking people or “cool” people, I automatically feel that I don’t deserve to speak to them. I feel unworthy to occupy their time. Why should they waste their time talking to losers like me? What ensues physically is that I start to clam up and babble lame things like “The weather’s so shitty”. And that probably seals the deal for them because they clam up too and give me weird looks. They’re probably thinking, “No, you’re shitty. And boring. This is the end of our conversation.”

Which really doesn’t help my self-esteem at all.

And it hurts when people stereotype you and assume that there’s nothing more to you. That you’re just a nerdy-pants who looks nerdy and lives nerdily ever after. Which may be true to a certain extent. But every nerdy-pants, though he/she may be as flat and boring as a coin, does have two sides, no?

Take for example the schoolmate who only bothers to talk to you to:

1. Find out about your grades
2. Ask if you study every day (which, for clarification, is a NO)
3. Find out about the day’s homework
4. Copy your homework

and thereafter assume that you do not exist.

I’m starting to think that all this has a link with my slouch, which has more or less reduced my backbone shape to that of a prawn’s. I’m not a Hunchback of Notre Dame yet though. Might reach that level in a few year’s time.

To conclude this depressing essay, I’d just like to say that it’s only human nature to judge and stereotype. For example I’m judging those “cool” people myself and assuming that they’re dismissing me. And similarly others judge me and assume that my main goal in life is to finish my homework. So this is how karma works then. I’ll just swallow my pride, lower my head and walk along. And maybe secretly swallow some potato chips as well.

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You’re needed, so stick around. Saturday, Aug 22 2009

Ever had the feeling that you were just horribly inadequate? That you were neglecting everything and everyone around you?

I did.

I felt like a lousy friend. When I met up with my best friend yesterday after aeons, I realised how much I underestimated the significance of our friendship. I thought that I would be able to get along just fine with my life even though we met up erratically.

But after all the disappointments I’ve faced so far, after putting my faith in people that didn’t put their faith in me, it was such a blessing to see my old girlfriend waiting for me at the bus interchange. As reliable as clockwork. As sincere and real as she always was. It was just like the old times as we shared the grievances we both faced in our new lives. Spending the day with her totally made my day. It also reminded me that when the world ditches you, someone would be there you lift you out of the gutters.

I felt like a lousy daughter too. I was spending less and less time with my mother. And I knew that I was all that she had left. It sort of pained me to see her waiting up for me all alone when I came home late. The moment I stepped into the door till the instant when my head hit the pillow, my mum would bombard me from all sides, asking me about my day, offering me a supermarket full of food to eat, relating the full news bulletin to me, etc. All her small talk just screamed of loneliness.

But after all the empty chairs and distant faces, the fake smiles and manipulation, the using and the discarding, it was such a blessing to return to my pigsty of a home, and see a familiar face waiting for me. Someone who was joined at the hip with me, whether the both of us liked it or not. In a way we were both in the same boat, me with my busy life and she with her quiet life. We both felt alone and clung to each other for reassurance.

What’s the present without the past? As I soon found out, I truly needed these two characters back in my present, and hopefully they’ll stick around for my future too. I’m sorry to have left them out of the script so far. Maybe that’s what was missing from it.

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Welcome to Jennyspeaks, the World’s Most Superficial Blog Tuesday, Aug 18 2009

All this while I believed that Jennyspeaks was a blog that was a little different from the others.

After all, the lack of visuals and the abundance of punishing sentences (such as this one) surely made this bit of cyberspace slightly deeper than the waters of a toilet bowl.

However, a chance peek at the Search Engine Terms at my Blog Stats page shattered my belief.

Apparently, this blog is a fan site for Billie Joe Armstrong, Kurt Cobain and John Frusciante. It is also a comprehensive site for dumb quotes, wise quotes (haha the irony), insults for fat people, hate insults and sayings that make people feel stupid.

And also it tells you about Women Shitting Toilet and Heroin Toilet Seat (yup, this one caught me off-guard).

So this is what two years of long, verbose posts have resulted in: a blog that is a lot more shallow than toilet bowl waters.

And you know what? I really don’t mind.

Search Engine Terms

These are terms people used to find your blog.

Today

Search	Views
carmen muesli bars	2
dumb quotes 2008	5
john frusciante	2
billie joe depression	3
insults for fat people	2
sayings that make people feel stupid	4
john frusciante short hair	3
fat people insults	4
women shitting toilet	2
billie joe armstrong held at gunpoint	3
kurt cobain art	1

Yesterday

Search	Views
kurt cobains face in black and white	4
dumb quotes 2008	5
insults for fat people	1
john frusciante	4
facebook funny insults	3
jennyspaeks.wordpress.com	2
kurt cobain greatest hits	1
heroin toilet seat	1
random wise quote	2
hate insults	5
billie joe armstrong winona ryder	5
quotes that make people feel dumb	7
winona and billie joe armstrong	1

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Funny Insults Part 2: Cultural Wednesday, Aug 5 2009

Part 2 of the Funny Insults series is provided to you, free of charge, by Jennyspeaks. Comes packaged with a pinch of salt.

Question: Who invented the copper wire?

Answer: Two Scotsmen fighting over a penny. – English Joke

Question: How do you disperse an angry Scottish mob?

Answer: Pass around a collection box. – English Joke

German is a language developed solely to afford the speaker an opportunity to spit at strangers under the guise of polite conversation. – National Lampoon

The larger the German body, the smaller the German bathing suit, and the louder the German voice issuing German demands and German orders… to everybody who doesn’t speak German. For this and several other reasons, Germany is known as “the land where Israelites learned their manners”. – P.J Rourke, “Holidays in Hell”

An Israeli man’s life was saved when he was given a Palestinian man’s heart in a heart transplant operation. The man is doing fine, but the bad news is he can’t stop throwing rocks at himself. – Jay Leno

On a clear day you can’t see Luxembourg at all. This is because a tree is in the way. – Alan Coren

What are the first three words in a Mexican cookbook? — “Steal a chicken.”

In Russia, we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One. – Yakov Smirnoff

In the US you have freedom of speech. You can go up to Ronald Reagan and say, “I don’t like Ronald Reagan.” In the Soviet Union, you have the same freedom. You can also go up to Chernenko and say: “I don’t like Ronald Reagan.” – Yakov Smirnoff

America is the only country in the world where a housewife hires a cleaning woman, so she can do volunteer work at the day care centre where the cleaning woman leaves her child. – Milton Berle

The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day, the Statue of Liberty had both its hands up. – Jay Leno

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:”( Friday, Jun 19 2009

Ever since my estrogen has been able to control my feelings, I’ve been playing with fire and getting burnt again and again. It brings me to the top of the world when the rush comes on, the heady feeling when a guy looks you in the eye. And you know that it’s more than just a look.

But I have fallen again and again for people who toy with my emotions, and then discard me. 

Like how I came to know about someone who has hooked up after hanging on to me for so long.

And how, upon reflection, I realise that it’s not the first time I’ve been so caught up in the moment that I forget there’s no ground beneath me at all.

Then the bubble bursts and I plummet and I pick myself up. Only to be swept away again by that smile, that touch, those words. Cycle repeats.

Heartbreak heartbreak heartbreak. There’s only so much I can take.

I guess this is where my cynicism comes in handy. Let me switch back to my asexual mode, take a step back, and laugh at the folly of hormone-induced “love”.

I’m just unlucky, I guess. Now where’s my tissue.

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When Youtube, Twitter and Facebook Merge… Friday, Jun 5 2009

One of the disadvantages of being a student with your own laptop, in a completely wireless campus is that you tend to get distracted.

Often, I spend whole lectures doing inaccurate quizzes on Facebook, checking my friend’s profiles and basically being a poking my sorry nose into other people’s lives. Virtual lives, that is.

Project meetings aimed to finish up presentations, soon evolve into silent surfing-the-net sessions, as one by one we drift away from Microsoft Powerpoint to Youtube.com.

As you can guess by now, Youtube, Twitter and Facebook are notorious time-wasting sites for me.

However, one quote that I saw on Facebook, off a friend’s status update, totally made my shithole of a day slightly better.

“One day, Youtube, Twitter and Facebook will merge to form a super time-wasting site called: “You TwitFace!”

Hell yeah. I’ll be the first to sign up. Some Harvard geek invent it, please!

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